alone once more babbling

So im home by myself again. which i kind of perfer it that way. though i do get brd and usually spend of the day on the computer just surfing the web for my current obesseion. thou harry potter is one that will stay with me forever, i go what i call charater phase. see i love taking on new roles and stories and relams. see i talking to myself and i drown the reall world through creating a world of fantasy. i dont what will happen when if i ever move in with someone... see ive been doing this since i was six. alway creating alternative identies so as not to recgonize myself in the mirrior. when i talk on a role even outside the darkness of my bedroom or emypt house. sometimes my fantasies follow me outside that house. which makes it hard for me to hold conversations or focus on people. my boyfriend always gets mad which me. but if i dnt have this world i dont know what i would do... i feel like it some how makes me live alillte more to be think outside a box. though im sure most would say thats not anywhere near a box. i wish there wer more people to understand my problem. i rlly dont have friends, they kind of left and thats why i also keep my fantasies. because i talk and i can see the other charaters there. i can see them a solid as a wal and as clear as day. i enjoy it alot. and it keeps me happy. though when im sad it keeps me from keep my fantasies alive an i usually just sit in the dark. i dnt know why i rlly dont like being around people. sometimes i want to run away so i can just live on a derseted island. yet at the same time. i love my friends, i love being in their company but it seems that it can only be for a certain amount of hours.it makes me feel bad because i lie alot to them.i feel like i have to keep secrets from them and that i have to make myself seem, more exciting because in real life im not. im just a girl who is consatly trying not to cut myself ot who forces her self to eat. who has to take meds to make her happy. i always feel like im not good enough. and yet at the same time i can competely shut down that i dont feel anything not even if someone where to punch me in the face would i feel it. so its either im competely emotionaly over whelmed or i dont feel anyhting at all. its all a roller cosater. im manic then im depressed. im trying my hardest to be postive but some days its not good enough. like today i just feel so emo. and its really gloomly today. raining and dark. but some how i like it too.

sherlock holmes

i can officially say im completely obsessed. with the bbc/pbs series SHERLOCK.not only is the acting the best ive ever seen in a series like that. but it keeps me on edge all the time always worrying bout sherlock. and might i add hes smoking hot 

Timeing

Time is an aniouxs feeling.
Always moving to slow or to fast.
pondering your next move, time ticks away.
Im my head the pain is killing what bravery i had left.
The doors are sealed and i want you gone... out of my head.
Death is only one part you've planned for me.
I guess i have no choices left.
So here i am crying crimson seas.
Shadows haunting my eyes.
I don't hurt and i don't want death.
But what do you care.
I'm all you have left.